Grief

There is no time limit on grieving, no road maps, or even rule book on how to grieve properly. Everyday is a different set of emotions, a different set of questions and so many unanswered.

When I loss Angela I never imagined that I could hurt or feel such an anguish and pain, but I did. The type of devastation I endure that day when I received the phone call of her passing will haunt me for the rest of my life. Cancer wasn’t an easy fight, but it was definitely one I thought we’d win. Her faith never wavered throughout the entire process many days i would think to myself how is she so strong?

What we had was more than love it was a bond, a spiritual connection, a soul connection and when she died I lost a piece of me that day. Many people live their entire lives together and never have the privilege of ever knowing or experiencing what that feels like, but I was blessed to have had it.

Each day I wake up now and I tell myself that this is all a part of life and the most high has a plan. I tell myself to keep going even on the days the pain is too much to bare. I remind myself daily that’s she’s up there watching over me and my spiritual connection allows me to communicate with her whenever I want.

I never thought I’d have to live this life without her, but I k we the day would come. I loved her then, now, and forever. She will always be a part of me.

The Green Scenery

in 2017 when I decided I would start my Landscaping business a lot of people looked at me crazy. She’s a woman they thought, what could she possibly know about running a successful Landscaping business and now 2021 I am still one of the only female owners of a Landscaping company and and black owned with stellar reviews, high recommendations and excellent business credit.

I definitely have worked hard to sustain a successful business single handedly and by the grace of the most high it is so. We are also the only Landscaping company that publishes a monthly newsletter as well, available on our website and starting July will be available via us mail to all of our customers. Being a woman sometimes can be challenging especially when it comes to business or certain careers but never give up, keep pressing forward and everything else will work out.

SOMETIMES 🤔I WONDER

Ever get alone and find that your mind does so much wondering? Trying to solve unresolved problems , figure out age old issues, trying to understand things we have no knowledge or explanation for, well that’s absolutely me.

I get alone and find myself wondering all sorts of things like💭💭💭

1. Why wasn’t I able to keep my baby that was lost due to an ectopic pregnancy in 2018 which was both emotionally and mentally damaging and traumatizing to me?

2. Why is it that in life things always get worse right before they get better 🤷🏾‍♀️like can’t we skip the outbreak of Hell and go straight to the Rainbow?

3. Why do I have a tendency to overspend when I know I buy unnecessary things that I don’t need?

4. Why does love have to be so complicated and why the hell do men act so clueless?

5.Why does wine seem so addictive after a long days work and who the hell thought it would be a good idea to mix cocoa cola and coffee?

6.Why does early morning sex at 4:00 a.m. feel so damn good?

7. Who invented the Krispy Kreme hot light its completely the devil lol?

The strain of dating in your 30’s ……

There has always been the big unknown of what to say, what to wear, where to go and most importantly what if it’s a bust. If anyone ever thought that dating after 30 got easier well they were definitely mistaken.

I’m 39 and I still remember the first time I met my boyfriend, I was nervous beyond nervous. When we finally met face to face and I showed up at his house on Valentine’s Day, it was the most uncomfortable and awkward moment ever.

He opened the door and I stood there, hands clammy, legs shaking and teeth clenching. When he invited me in it must have taken me all of 2 hours to even get comfortable enough to speak to him in conversation not to mention being able to sit across from him.

I was unsure as to what to say and what not to say or how to condition myself not to smile everytime I looked over at him across from me. Some peope think it gets easier but I’m here to disagree, at least for me that is.

Dating is hard work and stressful too. Half of us by the time we hit 30 has already seen the ups, downs, highs and lows of broken promises, let downs and disappointments that can come along with the failure of relationships and dating so we get a little stricter on boundaries and expectations.

Once we hit a certain age something about that optimism tends to dwindle and we feel like we do want love, a healthy relationship, companionship and someone to share life with, but we won’t accept it just any kind of way. I’m a firm believer of holding back on the expectations when just getting to know someone that way if it doesn’t work out, well hell I’m not too disappointed unless I really liked you then maybe I’ll be a little pissed, but not too much that I can’t let it go.

Feelings should definitely be compartmentalized when dating because after all who the hell wants to fall in love with someone they barely even know or hasn’t known but 10 seconds literally.

You never wanna give too much of yourself in the beginning or come off as too emotional because then you run the risk of being prematurely judged as weak. With so many do’s and don’ts to dating it’s no wonder so many of us are just single maneuvering in casual situations.

Bottom line dating in the 30’s are just as much a drag as they are in the 20’s and a whole lot less fun so if your out dating and you get to feeling like you just can’t get it right and that over bearing anxiety kicks in just know you are definitely not alone.